Xoxoxoxo LOVE JANET advice relationships friendzone friend breakupĪs an adult, what should you expect from a friend and how should you expect to be a good friend? I understand that sometimes friends drift apart when they get busy, and that’s not a big deal…but if a friend purposely stops hanging out with you, but they still expect you to help out with stuff, is that acceptable? How should I respond? If you are not enjoying the time you spend with someone, stop spending time with them.
Women, don’t allow this! We don’t owe anyone anything. Men, don’t do this! Grow up! You can find a woman that will be interested in you romantically, but not if you are too busy barking up the wrong tree and creeping out your lady friends. But continually pressuring and disrespecting your friend out of a false sense of being unjustly friendzoned is total bullshit. I’m sorry that this will disappoint you, but you must accept it and leave me alone now.” That makes me uncomfortable being alone with you, so from now on I choose to never be alone with you.
“Theobold, I’ve told you many times that I don’t care for you romantically. If he demands to know what’s going on, tell him: When you see him at parties, be polite and friendly. Just refuse to hang out with him alone anymore. In fact, I think you should ghost him! I think ghosting is actually the appropriate response, for once. In this case, I don’t even think you need to sit him down and tell him you can’t be friends anymore. Regular readers will know I’ve addressed friend break ups before. Someone doesn’t have to be your boyfriend for you to dump him. But it’s definitely the path of least resistance. I don’t think that’s a long-term sustainable strategy because he doesn’t seem interested in changing his behavior. You could continue as you are, holding him at arms’ length and hanging out every few months when he’s finally badgered you into it and you can’t avoid coffee anymore. It seems like you two have a cycle, in which he presses his luck until you snap and then he eases off to a tolerable level, just to wait a few months to try again. He would be upset to know that you felt uncomfortable or pressured by his actions.īut that doesn’t seem to be the case. If he truly cared about you, as a friend or otherwise, he would respect your wishes. But your friend is a grown up, and if he doesn’t know it already, he should learn quickly that this is creepy and predatory behavior. There are certainly endless examples in movies of men relentlessly pursuing uninterested women until they finally relent. It’s possible your friend is doing this out of a false sense of romanticism. I put the word friend in scare quotes because disrespecting boundaries and pressuring you are not things a real friend does! A real friend would have taken a big step back after the first time you said you weren’t interested romantically, especially after you had a period of no contact. Unfortunately, it seems like your “friend” has had trouble respecting those boundaries in the past, and continues to pressure you into a more intense relationship than you want. You’ve set clear boundaries, you’ve been consistent with those boundaries, you’ve tried to create some distance. It seems like you’re pretty much doing everything right. The very idea of having a healthy, fulfilling platonic relationship with a woman? How terrible! I feel bad cause he considers me his best friend. I have a coffee date coming up with him, and honestly, I don’t want to go. But he still complains that we never see each other and pushes for us to hang out one-on-one. I try to keep him at arms’ length, but we see each other often because we’re in the same group of friends. In the past, we’ve gone for periods of time of no contact after I’ve told him that I can’t be friends with him until he can deal with his problems on his own (especially when unrequitedly liking ME is one of his problems). I’ve made it clear to him that I just want to be friends, but it’s been sort of an emotional rollercoaster. It’s been clear that’s he’s had romantic feelings for me off and on over the years, that I have never reciprocated. I have a guy friend that I’ve known for several years (I’m a woman).
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